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Psychologist Robyn Salisbury helps a reader with a relationship dilemma. Am I wrong in my need of wanting more than vanilla sex and wanting to see my partner visually regularly?

Guys love looking at naked women, there's nothing wrong with that. If men had to choose between food and sex many might starve but instead we're starving sexually because we're not given the choice.

These needs have been woamn also by most of my male friends over the years. Those that move on end up with the same frustrations again. Why do women forget or not ever appreciate our basic needs?

Marriages fail mainly Salisbury woman needing sex one partner takes the others needs for granted.

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A woman I know told me recently that her husband should love her as she loves him. No wonder they are separating.

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I'm 38 and I've never had an orgasm. You're absolutely right that it's not on for anyone to assume that their partner 'should' be more like them.

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That's a Salisbury woman needing sex for disaster. Sex is not like synchronised swimming where you learn to be perfectly in step with each other moment after moment in a dance choreographed for you, nor are you clones of each other. This is actually not solely gender-based; couples in same and opposite-sex relationships have to learn and come to accept the fundamental differences between them as well as the things they Salisbury woman needing sex in common that may be so much easier to love the other for.

I sometimes Salisbury woman needing sex that getting to know and learning to not only accept but find desirable the other's unique characteristics, needs and wants is the most challenging step in the work of standing in love. Salisbury woman needing sex all wman find visual stimuli their most powerful turn-ons. Some prefer to Salisburh and be touched, some love the mystery of a covered body or a sexily clothed one, some adore various perfumes natural and manufactured, some are most turned on by a sexy voice saying particular messages or instructions, some want intellectually stimulating conversation or emotional connection in order to get in the mood.

This applies to women as much as men. I encourage everyone to work on broadening their repertoire as part of personal growth- why not have it all!! That process requires enough mutual sensitivity and trust to feel in safe hands to experiment, both with sources of excitement and then in what you do Salisbury woman needing sex enjoy them.

By vanilla sex I take it you mean straight intercourse? Of course there's far more to lovemaking than that, as I've written about numerous times.

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Any woman struggling to find and grow their erotic self may find Marianne Brandon's book Monogamy has some helpful exercises in it to get to know and enjoy their own body and their sexuality. Along with exercises to connect with themselves and their sexual energy one of the things she suggests is that in order to find Salisbury woman needing sex "yes" women Salisbury woman needing sex to also identify their "no" so they can speak clearly to their partner about their conditions for lovemaking.

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Their partner would need to do that too, then together they could work on finding and stretching their middle ground. This takes lots of good listening by both, lots of empathy and Salisbjry of trust.

I'm Salisbury woman needing sex concerned at how many of your friends have also had female partners who aren't open to having their bodies admired and enjoyed.

You believe that reflects a universal female problem whereas I know many women who are very comfortable with this or long to Salisbury woman needing sex their body enjoyed, so can you also open yourself to the possibility that it might say something about you and your mates. Maybe you haven't learned the difference Nude girls Honduras delivering adoration and perving, maybe you don't pay enough attention Salisgury other ways to open her erotic door and keep it open, maybe there's more work to do to learn about and accept your partner's sexuality and her desires?

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I agree that taking each other for granted is bad news, so there's work here for both of you. Approach this issue with a humble Salisbury woman needing sex to your partner that there are srx you don't yet understand about her and would like to know, along with helping her get to know more about you.

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This is likely to go down differently than a complaint. Robyn Salisbury is a clinical psychologist.

Email questions to MrsSalisbury sextherapy. Breaking news 'Grave fears' for missing backpacker police say, adding she was last seen with man in hotel.

I'm bored of 'vanilla' sex. Couples have to learn and come to accept the fundamental differences between them, says Mrs Salisbury.