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I have actually stroked Michael Hutchience. He was very soft and yet also rough, like a well-plumped duvet with a starchy cover. I once got asked along to a studio in LA to hang out with Ringo Starr and was so starstruck at the thought that I immediately boarded a plane to West Virginia.

Usually they are fairly blunt. Only the other day they told a nice cab driver he was a fat fuck. Tell her Wklsie buy another ticket and use its serial number to do the lottery that Medt. She should have a broken arm by Tuesday.

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I once got wonderfully drunk with him in Glasgow. Lovely man and great company. History is all the evidence humankind needs to understand our essential venality. They also sing of the time he sank thirty pints of heavy with a grapefruit balanced on his cock. It pleases me anytime I see our name girps print.

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Blinding oneself with scissors might be a cure…. He had a Scottish accent then, I think he always did.

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They took to the air on a whim — nothing to do with us.

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